in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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