My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
