I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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