some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
