Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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