Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
