apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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