@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you win again, gameday.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
