i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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