I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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