You really coming over, don't trick.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
