my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
