everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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