Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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