Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
