So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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