she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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