i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
