Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
