Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
