I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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