i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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