I have demons in me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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