There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I supernannyed him into submission
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
