So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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