i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
