You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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