dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am midnight drunk by noon
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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