his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i out mim tonsoeep
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