you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
