This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
