I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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