its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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