im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
