At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
