I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
