WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
last night I used snow as a chaser
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
