yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
