Michael Bay diarrhea
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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