so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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