dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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