So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
