and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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