there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
