She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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