did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
