Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
