Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
