You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
