mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
