just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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