I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
