Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
