I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
